Worship with the Elders

A Beloved Community of Older Friends

People trickle into the sunlit room on canes and walkers; some arrive in wheelchairs; and a few of us walk in unaided. We settle into comfortable padded chairs set in a half-circle facing out to the woods and lawns. I glance around before I settle in. Is there room in the circle for those who will arrive on their scooters? I see that the sun today will be right in the eyes of a man who always sits next to the window, so I get up quietly and pull that shade down.

We are long-retired people who live in a Quaker-affiliated retirement community. Some residents have deep Quaker ancestry, particularly in this rural part of our state. Some have become Quakers; some have no affiliation with Friends but like attending our worship group. Occasionally a guest who is visiting “Mom” or “Dad” will join us that day. We love the rare times that a whole family joins us, including young children and babies. The current liaison from the local Friends meetinghouse will occasionally worship with us, also.

Generally our hour is quiet. The oldest people were well-trained in Bible studies and will occasionally share a passage. On the first Sunday of each month, someone will share a brief reading from Faith and Practice or offer a poem: Mary Oliver’s work is popular, or there will be an excerpt from another written source that speaks to them. Our community has quite a few musically inclined residents, so we are occasionally gifted with a verse from a song.

By default, I have become the clerk of this worship group.

When the previous clerk died, his family found a cardboard box of Quaker materials on his bookcase in his apartment. They put it by my front door—as his neighbor—with a note asking me to please shepherd it. The following First Day, I took it to the worship group and asked at rise of meeting if someone would volunteer to sort his papers. Dead silence.

“You are the youngest person in the group,” someone finally said, “so it makes sense that you sort and keep the records.” Then several voices chimed in, “And you could be the clerk, too.”

It is true that I was the youngest member of the worship group. I had come to this residential community in my 60s, due to a health issue that had caused my early retirement. But I was usually well enough to participate in meeting for worship. I had been a member of several meetings in my adult years. And so I became the clerk of the worship group.

Clerking in a retirement residence worship group is quite different from the duties of the clerk in a meeting. Usually we have very few committees, and certainly a lot less paperwork. We do have to report annually to the sponsoring local meeting, and also to the budget committee of our resident association. Thankfully, these reports are expected to be short.

The one small committee of the worship group is on call for consultation on the delicate behavioral or medical issues that can arise with old people. If someone who attends our worship group is temporarily in the separate nursing area for treatment, this committee can usually provide a short worship session with them in their room. The committee can also help the clerk draft documents such as annual reports, requests for funding, or checks to purchase Friends Journal and books for our Quaker shelf in the library. Very occasionally, we will organize an outside speaker, which may involve donation of an honorarium or a request for light refreshments from our dining services.

I have noticed over the years that people are entering retirement communities at ever-older ages. This change means new residents often have more health problems. The resulting diminishments have reduced Quaker worship group attendance.

In addition, fewer new residents are Quaker members or attenders. Although our community was begun decades ago as a small home for retired female Quaker teachers, we have expanded to a large campus that accepts older people of any background. It is a growing concern that in the near future Quaker continuing care residences will mainly be providing care completely based on whether someone’s financial reserve is high enough to enter. Of course we as a Friends-affiliated home wish to welcome the stranger, and legally we must, but nowadays Quaker teachers, community workers, and activists probably don’t have the financial means necessary.

We struggle with the impact of that reality on our Quaker values.

I look around once more at the other silver and white heads, bright in the morning light, and close my eyes. My ears stay open, however. Unplanned things happen in a group of elders. One Sunday, about half an hour into worship, someone, soundly asleep, toppled gently out of his chair onto the carpet. Thank goodness for the two attenders who had medical backgrounds! They quickly ascertained that his head and limbs were undamaged, although when our medical staff showed up to evaluate him, he was bundled off on a stretcher. We elders need bladder breaks more often than our younger cohorts, so during worship there is often some quiet coming and going down the hall to the restrooms. And occasionally, the person designated to offer the monthly reading has forgotten or worse: fallen ill, gone to the hospital, or even died during the week.

One summer day, I was gazing at the peaceful woods outside the windows. I was startled and tickled to witness a deer stroll out of the woods and cross a short section of lawn with a little black cat following along, just as a fawn would. I reported this during our worship sharing at rise of meeting as a spiritual gift along the lines of “love thy neighbor.”

The years went by. COVID restrictions meant that we needed to meet outdoors, if at all. We sat by the woods, carefully distanced, and missed our members who were quarantined in the assisted living area. Thankfully, our community lost only a few people to the disease.

After nearly eight years of being the clerk of the worship group, I began to feel stale. Finally, I announced that I needed to resign soon. On my last Sunday, to my embarrassed surprise, the members of our worship group presented me with a beautiful plaque, with artwork and signatures added by my fellow worshipers.

Nowadays, I attend a nearby small meeting in an old meetinghouse that dates back to the 1700s. Because it is under the care of a local meeting, there are only two committees: one for care of the people who worship there, and one for refreshments. Maybe I’ll volunteer soon, probably for the refreshments committee.