One night, Jacob met God, disguised as an angel, and they wrestled. The angel wounded Jacob but Jacob held on, tenaciously, grappling in an impossible fight. He hung on till morning and in the end the angel, God, gave Jacob a new name: Israel, “he struggles with God.” And then God blessed him. (my paraphrase of Genesis 32:24-28)
This was not the theme verse for the Young Adult Friends Gathering in Wichita, Kansas, May 28-31, 2010. But perhaps it could have been. As is the case with many cross-branch gatherings, there was struggling, striving, and wrestling involved, both individually and corporately.
This gathering was planned to be more inviting to Evangelical and Hispanic Friends who had been mostly missing in the last two Young Adult Friends gatherings. Because of our differences, being more inviting to one group makes another group feel left out. My heart felt full after leaving the gathering: full of joy for what was accomplished; of sorrow for those who struggled and were left out; and of hope for the future. It was such a long and full weekend that I struggle with what to share, which piece to pick out. What I share will be an incomplete picture because I am just one person. I hope you will ask other Young Adults who attended what their experience was like. I am led to share about our struggle because I think it is so important.
When a group of people gets together who have all struggled to get where they are spiritually, it is difficult to take in new or different spiritual ideas. Evangelicals were much more comfortable in this gathering than in past ones, and the Evangelical focus made many Liberal Friends uncomfortable. Some Friends were so uncomfortable they found they couldn’t attend worship.
Because of a flight delay I missed the Friday evening activities, so the gathering started on Saturday morning for me. After a brief worship time we split up into two groups for Bible study—a smaller Spanish-speaking group and a larger English-speaking one. Four or five different versions of Romans 12:1-8 were read and we were invited into worship sharing. Well, that is where the difficulty started! Our worship sharing became more of a discussion and very quickly fell right to the central question: the importance of Jesus as savior for some vs. the importance of individual spiritual journeys, which may not include Jesus, for others. Sometimes we are so used to a particular practice we don’t realize that other people are unfamiliar with it.
I am an evangelical and Jesus is central to my beliefs. But I struggled with what was said in the Bible study because it felt judgmental of the spiritual practices of others in the room. What kind of evangelical am I? I feel like I’m supposed to be spreading the love of Jesus and “saving” people—at least that’s what I learned growing up. But that’s not why I attend these gatherings. I go to gatherings like this to develop friendships, try to understand where others are coming from, and deepen in my own faith.
The Bible study was a tough spot for many of us, for one reason or another. We had a full day after that, with lunch, more conversations, workshops, small groups, dinner, and then worship. Then, that night, worship was again difficult for me. I appreciated the message brought by our speaker, and the songs that were sung. But as we entered into open worship, I found I just wasn’t able to center. I was distracted by many things, including a friend near me who seemed to be having an incredible experience.
I had left my cell phone on because one of my siblings had had heart surgery the day before and it felt important to be available for any updates. I realized during worship that I had become quite attuned to my cell phone’s beep—that still, small beep. I could pick it out from amongst the noise of anything else going on. What if my inner ear was that attuned to the voice of God? What if I lived my life expecting a “call from God” at any moment? Am I attuned to the still, small voice of God?
I was disappointed at the end of worship that I hadn’t been able to connect or feel the Spirit as so many others had. How come everyone else is having such incredible worship experiences and I’m not!? A silly thought of course, since there were several like me who also didn’t feel connected.
On Sunday morning the call came for people to join the epistle committee. I felt led to it right away. Here is my chance to find out what has been going on for everyone at this gathering, I thought. I felt sure a lot would be shared about people’s experience that wouldn’t necessarily go into the epistle.
The struggle for any epistle committee is how does a small group of people possibly begin to describe the corporate experience of a larger body? With a lot of prayer, centering, seeking Spirit’s guidance, patience, humility, and some good humor.
A couple of the others and I were late to the first meeting because of a workshop that went over time. Then we had to close the meeting earlier than people may have wanted because small groups were starting up and I was a leader. We all rushed off to small groups with plans to meet again at 9:45 that night. 9:45! I felt overwhelmed with the task at hand and the small amount of time in which to complete it.
As we gathered that evening we shared what the gathering had been like for each of us. Two of the Christ-centered Friends brought in the fact that there were people who were very uncomfortable and struggling—and we had to make sure that was recognized in the epistle. After prayerful and thoughtful discussion we came up with a very short epistle: “This is important. It’s really hard, but it’s worth it. Keep going.”
That became our framework as one Friend set to fleshing it out. We held her in silence, each supporting her in our own ways—through prayer, centering, intercession. I struggled during this time because I felt I had some good phrases to use and I wanted to do some writing. I guess I kind of wanted to be in control. So I was praying for my friend, our process, and trying to release everything!
We had our first draft done just after midnight. I was excited to get started refining and editing and coming to the core of what we were saying. But the group decided that was it! It was time for bed! I was really not happy about this. As the evening had progressed I felt more and more of a burden for this epistle to be “right"—For it to speak to everyone’s condition, for it to describe what people experienced, for it not to leave anyone out. I was very worried that we wouldn’t be able to finish it in time the next morning.
Once again, I had to release everything. Not my will, not my will. All I could do was pray for the process, pray for our group. We met again around 7:30 in the morning, groggy and bleary eyed. Members of the pastoral care team were called in to hold us while we worked. Our process that morning was incredible to me. Each person took a turn with the laptop we were typing on. He or she would make some edits, add or change things and then read it to the group. We would offer suggestions as the computer was passed. Then the next person would make some edits and read the epistle. It was finally finished and approved by all of us.
I wrote in my journal: “Lord we have finished the epistle. There are parts I like. There are parts I wish were cleaner. I do not know if everyone will feel in unity with it. I hope and pray that Friends will feel the truth and meaning and spirit behind the words. I pray that we are open to receiving it.”
And that is what I continued to pray as the epistle committee joined the open worship in progress. When worship closed, two Friends got up to present the epistle. As it was read I could see the reaction rippling through those gathered. I saw heads nodding and heard “mm-hmms.” I was moved by the reading of the epistle and by the feeling in the room as it was read.
A friend near me stood up to admit that she had come prepared to hear that the epistle would not speak to her experience and she would not be able to unite with it. Instead, she found that it did speak to her and she could unite with it. There were a few other like comments. I was moved so strongly by the reactions to it, tears poured down my face. Some friends were concerned that the epistle didn’t speak to those who felt very uncomfortable during the weekend. It was decided that the epistle would be approved but the committee would get back together to include one more statement regarding this concern. We met for another hour or two to discern that finishing touch.
The whole process was a struggle, but such a Spirit-led, blessed one. The struggle—of late nights, missed conversations, misunderstandings, early mornings—was so worth it.
Attending a cross-branch Quaker gathering can be a difficult experience, whether you are Liberal, Conservative, Evangelical, or don’t even know what any of that means. Despite any possible pain or frustration, I urge us to approach the struggle and enter into it. I urge us to wrestle all night long if that’s what it takes because we will be blessed in the end. And who knows what the blessing will be! I want the blessing—of understanding, friendship, worshiping together, loving each other despite our differences—and I’m going to hang on, with all of you, until we get it.
Aimee McAdams grew up on the west coast attending Northwest Yearly Meeting churches. She is a member of North Seattle (Wash.) Meeting. In 2008 she moved to Minneapolis where she and her husband attend Twin Cities Meeting (Northern Yearly Meeting). When not at her part-time office job, she enjoys sewing, baking, gardening, and looking after her chickens.
YAF Gathering 2010 Epistle
Dear Friends everywhere:
We send greetings from the Young Adult Gathering held at University Friends Meeting and Church in Wichita, Kansas, Fifth Month, 2010. Present were roughly 73 young adults from all branches of Quakerism, and 23 yearly meetings.
One of the great elements of this gathering was serving one another in hospitality, as we prepared our own meals and cleaned up the kitchen. We labored together outwardly and inwardly, seeking our common experience of God and Love.
We came to a place that was difficult to reach. We came to the center of this country, hoping to be brought to our Center as a faith community. It is an ongoing challenge to unite as a corporate body, and we grieve that not all felt able to participate. We struggled to hear one another and to understand one another. We struggled to speak our truths and to understand each other’s truths. We encountered differences between the branches of Friends, and within our own yearly meetings. But we came forward into worship willingly, vulnerably, and trusting in God to lead us. Despite and through these hardships, we were carried into an ongoing relationship with Love.
In our time together, God met with us, just as we asked. In our struggles and our joys, God was there, loving us. In studying Scripture together, we learned from Jesus’ example that Love requires crossing borders, going to places that are strange, foreign, and that seem dangerous. Now, like our Friend, we too are crossing borders. Jesus took risks, and now we are taking risks. But those risks are worth it because we are seeking Truth in Love, and when we find Love we are going to find God because God is Love, and that Love waits to be awakened in all of us.
The seeds that were planted this weekend must be tended and nurtured, or they will not grow. We look forward to the joy of continued labor, and to the fruit that our branches will bear. Before these seeds could be planted, we had to be plowed up through striving and struggle. We had to be broken and made tender. We were. We ask God to continue to break our hearts from all that breaks His heart, to continue to open our eyes. We have begun.
—Friends gathered at University Friends meetinghouse, in Wichita, Kansas, Fifth Month 31, 2010
This was not the theme verse for the Young Adult Friends Gathering in Wichita, Kansas, May 28-31, 2010. But perhaps it could have been. As is the case with many cross-branch gatherings, there was struggling, striving, and wrestling involved, both individually and corporately.
This gathering was planned to be more inviting to Evangelical and Hispanic Friends who had been mostly missing in the last two Young Adult Friends gatherings. Because of our differences, being more inviting to one group makes another group feel left out. My heart felt full after leaving the gathering: full of joy for what was accomplished; of sorrow for those who struggled and were left out; and of hope for the future. It was such a long and full weekend that I struggle with what to share, which piece to pick out. What I share will be an incomplete picture because I am just one person. I hope you will ask other Young Adults who attended what their experience was like. I am led to share about our struggle because I think it is so important.
When a group of people gets together who have all struggled to get where they are spiritually, it is difficult to take in new or different spiritual ideas. Evangelicals were much more comfortable in this gathering than in past ones, and the Evangelical focus made many Liberal Friends uncomfortable. Some Friends were so uncomfortable they found they couldn’t attend worship.
Because of a flight delay I missed the Friday evening activities, so the gathering started on Saturday morning for me. After a brief worship time we split up into two groups for Bible study—a smaller Spanish-speaking group and a larger English-speaking one. Four or five different versions of Romans 12:1-8 were read and we were invited into worship sharing. Well, that is where the difficulty started! Our worship sharing became more of a discussion and very quickly fell right to the central question: the importance of Jesus as savior for some vs. the importance of individual spiritual journeys, which may not include Jesus, for others. Sometimes we are so used to a particular practice we don’t realize that other people are unfamiliar with it.
I am an evangelical and Jesus is central to my beliefs. But I struggled with what was said in the Bible study because it felt judgmental of the spiritual practices of others in the room. What kind of evangelical am I? I feel like I’m supposed to be spreading the love of Jesus and “saving” people—at least that’s what I learned growing up. But that’s not why I attend these gatherings. I go to gatherings like this to develop friendships, try to understand where others are coming from, and deepen in my own faith.
The Bible study was a tough spot for many of us, for one reason or another. We had a full day after that, with lunch, more conversations, workshops, small groups, dinner, and then worship. Then, that night, worship was again difficult for me. I appreciated the message brought by our speaker, and the songs that were sung. But as we entered into open worship, I found I just wasn’t able to center. I was distracted by many things, including a friend near me who seemed to be having an incredible experience.
I had left my cell phone on because one of my siblings had had heart surgery the day before and it felt important to be available for any updates. I realized during worship that I had become quite attuned to my cell phone’s beep—that still, small beep. I could pick it out from amongst the noise of anything else going on. What if my inner ear was that attuned to the voice of God? What if I lived my life expecting a “call from God” at any moment? Am I attuned to the still, small voice of God?
I was disappointed at the end of worship that I hadn’t been able to connect or feel the Spirit as so many others had. How come everyone else is having such incredible worship experiences and I’m not!? A silly thought of course, since there were several like me who also didn’t feel connected.
On Sunday morning the call came for people to join the epistle committee. I felt led to it right away. Here is my chance to find out what has been going on for everyone at this gathering, I thought. I felt sure a lot would be shared about people’s experience that wouldn’t necessarily go into the epistle.
The struggle for any epistle committee is how does a small group of people possibly begin to describe the corporate experience of a larger body? With a lot of prayer, centering, seeking Spirit’s guidance, patience, humility, and some good humor.
A couple of the others and I were late to the first meeting because of a workshop that went over time. Then we had to close the meeting earlier than people may have wanted because small groups were starting up and I was a leader. We all rushed off to small groups with plans to meet again at 9:45 that night. 9:45! I felt overwhelmed with the task at hand and the small amount of time in which to complete it.
As we gathered that evening we shared what the gathering had been like for each of us. Two of the Christ-centered Friends brought in the fact that there were people who were very uncomfortable and struggling—and we had to make sure that was recognized in the epistle. After prayerful and thoughtful discussion we came up with a very short epistle: “This is important. It’s really hard, but it’s worth it. Keep going.”
That became our framework as one Friend set to fleshing it out. We held her in silence, each supporting her in our own ways—through prayer, centering, intercession. I struggled during this time because I felt I had some good phrases to use and I wanted to do some writing. I guess I kind of wanted to be in control. So I was praying for my friend, our process, and trying to release everything!
We had our first draft done just after midnight. I was excited to get started refining and editing and coming to the core of what we were saying. But the group decided that was it! It was time for bed! I was really not happy about this. As the evening had progressed I felt more and more of a burden for this epistle to be “right"—For it to speak to everyone’s condition, for it to describe what people experienced, for it not to leave anyone out. I was very worried that we wouldn’t be able to finish it in time the next morning.
Once again, I had to release everything. Not my will, not my will. All I could do was pray for the process, pray for our group. We met again around 7:30 in the morning, groggy and bleary eyed. Members of the pastoral care team were called in to hold us while we worked. Our process that morning was incredible to me. Each person took a turn with the laptop we were typing on. He or she would make some edits, add or change things and then read it to the group. We would offer suggestions as the computer was passed. Then the next person would make some edits and read the epistle. It was finally finished and approved by all of us.
I wrote in my journal: “Lord we have finished the epistle. There are parts I like. There are parts I wish were cleaner. I do not know if everyone will feel in unity with it. I hope and pray that Friends will feel the truth and meaning and spirit behind the words. I pray that we are open to receiving it.”
And that is what I continued to pray as the epistle committee joined the open worship in progress. When worship closed, two Friends got up to present the epistle. As it was read I could see the reaction rippling through those gathered. I saw heads nodding and heard “mm-hmms.” I was moved by the reading of the epistle and by the feeling in the room as it was read.
A friend near me stood up to admit that she had come prepared to hear that the epistle would not speak to her experience and she would not be able to unite with it. Instead, she found that it did speak to her and she could unite with it. There were a few other like comments. I was moved so strongly by the reactions to it, tears poured down my face. Some friends were concerned that the epistle didn’t speak to those who felt very uncomfortable during the weekend. It was decided that the epistle would be approved but the committee would get back together to include one more statement regarding this concern. We met for another hour or two to discern that finishing touch.
The whole process was a struggle, but such a Spirit-led, blessed one. The struggle—of late nights, missed conversations, misunderstandings, early mornings—was so worth it.
Attending a cross-branch Quaker gathering can be a difficult experience, whether you are Liberal, Conservative, Evangelical, or don’t even know what any of that means. Despite any possible pain or frustration, I urge us to approach the struggle and enter into it. I urge us to wrestle all night long if that’s what it takes because we will be blessed in the end. And who knows what the blessing will be! I want the blessing—of understanding, friendship, worshiping together, loving each other despite our differences—and I’m going to hang on, with all of you, until we get it.
Aimee McAdams grew up on the west coast attending Northwest Yearly Meeting churches. She is a member of North Seattle (Wash.) Meeting. In 2008 she moved to Minneapolis where she and her husband attend Twin Cities Meeting (Northern Yearly Meeting). When not at her part-time office job, she enjoys sewing, baking, gardening, and looking after her chickens.
YAF Gathering 2010 Epistle
Dear Friends everywhere:
We send greetings from the Young Adult Gathering held at University Friends Meeting and Church in Wichita, Kansas, Fifth Month, 2010. Present were roughly 73 young adults from all branches of Quakerism, and 23 yearly meetings.
One of the great elements of this gathering was serving one another in hospitality, as we prepared our own meals and cleaned up the kitchen. We labored together outwardly and inwardly, seeking our common experience of God and Love.
We came to a place that was difficult to reach. We came to the center of this country, hoping to be brought to our Center as a faith community. It is an ongoing challenge to unite as a corporate body, and we grieve that not all felt able to participate. We struggled to hear one another and to understand one another. We struggled to speak our truths and to understand each other’s truths. We encountered differences between the branches of Friends, and within our own yearly meetings. But we came forward into worship willingly, vulnerably, and trusting in God to lead us. Despite and through these hardships, we were carried into an ongoing relationship with Love.
In our time together, God met with us, just as we asked. In our struggles and our joys, God was there, loving us. In studying Scripture together, we learned from Jesus’ example that Love requires crossing borders, going to places that are strange, foreign, and that seem dangerous. Now, like our Friend, we too are crossing borders. Jesus took risks, and now we are taking risks. But those risks are worth it because we are seeking Truth in Love, and when we find Love we are going to find God because God is Love, and that Love waits to be awakened in all of us.
The seeds that were planted this weekend must be tended and nurtured, or they will not grow. We look forward to the joy of continued labor, and to the fruit that our branches will bear. Before these seeds could be planted, we had to be plowed up through striving and struggle. We had to be broken and made tender. We were. We ask God to continue to break our hearts from all that breaks His heart, to continue to open our eyes. We have begun.
—Friends gathered at University Friends meetinghouse, in Wichita, Kansas, Fifth Month 31, 2010
Aimee McAdams
Thank you
Aimee,
Thank you for this lovely article, and your part in the epistle.
The double effort speaks to me on many levels.
* I am not very sensitive to the value of cross-branch communication. I have recognized this lack in myself for years, and have looked for opportunities --within the limits of my interest-- which could help me take next steps in this area. Feeling the power of this for you and for the group as a whole was a step in the right direction.
* Jacob and the angel is a very important story personally, as I feel myself to be wounded, bested and blessed in my own struggles. Your linking of the struggles in Wichita to this story connected powerfully.
Richard Fuller
Twin Cities Meeting, Minnesota, USA
What about Chuck Fagers questions?
What about Chuck Fagers questions?
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