Do our differences serve a purpose, or do they simply divide us unnecessarily? Can differences in beliefs be a nurturing experience? I’ve had a range of reactions to my tiny branch of Quakerism: from judgment to misunderstanding, to a belief that we should just go ahead and join the larger iterations of Quaker practice, and even to the criticism from other Conservative meetings that we are not “Conservative enough.” Since becoming clerk of North Carolina Yearly Meeting (Conservative), I have found within myself a strong sense of wanting to protect and preserve the traditions and beliefs of this unique meeting. We have a singular history of surviving all of the nineteenth-century schisms, including both the Wilburite and Hicksite divisions, and yet, in the end, we separated from our original group in 1904. I have a joy at learning and exploring other Quaker meetings but remain dedicated to preserving the traditions of my own, which I hold so dear. Perhaps in contradiction to others’ assumptions about us, we have indeed changed a great deal over the years; I hope we can hold onto what makes us unique. Diversity allows us to find that place that fits best. If we were uniform, would I feel like I was shoehorning my way into a sense of belonging?
When I first became a member, I found the term “Conservative” off-putting. Today, I completely embrace and hold dear that label, despite having a hard time defining it. Many believe the Conservative Quakers’ hallmark is their Christocentric and Bible-based faith, and yet, I have discovered those aspects within Liberal meetings as well. Conversely, there is a wide range of Bible or Christ-focused views within my yearly meeting and within my monthly meeting. Some folks do not embrace these views as part of their practice. I worry about having a hard time defining the parameters of my practice, but I feel comforted that there are some with similar beliefs and others with dissimilar beliefs both within and without my yearly and monthly meetings.
I should be able to express what we believe; yet I continue to struggle somewhat with this task. I instead attempt to express in words how deeply I experience this yearly meeting as a place of intense openness to divine guidance that I believe is our hallmark. The richness of our meetings for worship—including those with attention to business—saturate me with the dedication to listening and heeding the direction of God that is so central to our practice.
We believe in the value of deep waiting, of earnest seeking, and of profound listening, and we believe that there is One who will deliver that guidance to us. The world teaches us to seek the speedy remedy, but instead we bow to a time not of our own decision. The answer may indeed come swiftly, or perhaps no answer at all will become evident during our time together. We believe in humbling ourselves to guidance from that which is eternal. Our unity of spirit in desiring a bowing of self draws us closer, helping us release our desperate clutching of ego, self-interest, and self-agenda. Allowing Spirit to move and mold us is the foundational communion upon which we build, and this is a defining feature of our yearly meeting. We open ourselves to the possibility of living in faith in a world that exalts the temporal and the expedient. Abiding in the quietude with one another, we release the requisite striving and struggle of human nature, and we seek the will of God.
My belief is that it is beyond our incomplete human understanding to fully know the Divine. In our humble attempts to know, we will find that varied practices speak to different individuals. Many paths to a destination provide for a walk that each embarks upon according to a person’s own needs, whether this is a different flavor of Quaker or a different religious or spiritual practice entirely. A person in my meeting deeply misses music as worship—music being an infrequent occurrence in our practice—which draws her heart closer to God. Although I am content to sit in the silence, I remember my experience prior to my Quaker walk when I too felt moved, sometimes to tears, by God’s presence known through song. One of my friends is devoutly Catholic, and I have spoken to her about how the ritual and the liturgy feed her. Because they do not speak to me, does that make it invalid? Even though I do not understand her practice, I remind myself of my time spent on silent retreat at a monastery in South Carolina. Rising at four in the morning to join the monks at their vigils was a profound experience for me: the stillness of the world as I walked to the chapel felt liminal and mystical, as did listening to the chants of the monks. It would certainly be a point of arrogance to claim one way to holy communion while dismissing all others.
Curiosity has led me to sit down with others and learn about their experience with phrases such as “the Religious Society of Friends” and “meeting for worship.” A lack of understanding can result from not taking the time to converse deeply with someone whose beliefs are dissimilar to my own. I admit I still find a sense of discomfort within myself regarding Quakers with no belief in God, but I seek to learn, and I value the company of every person and the enlightenment they bring to me about different ways to walk in the world. Despite differences within our meeting regarding how we view our spiritual path, we sit united during our times together in silence.
The path out of ignorance begins with curiosity. When we step out of our known ways and our comfort zones and venture into someone else’s beliefs, we open ourselves to learning, to understanding, and we allow the other person to be seen and valued by our sincere interest in them. Quaker House (where my monthly meeting worships) recently invited all of the various yearly meetings in North Carolina to come to a gathering. It was a time of joyful fellowship: full of conversation, laughter, and sharing of beliefs. Our different ways of being Quaker presented no barrier to that time together; to the contrary, it made me want to visit these other meetings and learn more.
The unknown tends to lead to misperceptions and mistakes in understanding the reality that others are living: intervisitation between meetings and churches is a path to knowing those who may have a practice or a belief system dissimilar to our own. I have treasured visiting the other Conservative yearly meetings—Iowa Yearly Meeting (Conservative) and Ohio Yearly Meeting— and observing differences within our branch of Quakerism. We all have so much to offer one another by making ourselves known and by learning about what speaks to other Quakers. What meetings or churches are within traveling distance for each of us? Have we made an effort to visit them and invite them to our own meeting? I have fallen short on this endeavor, but I have a desire to improve. I have now scheduled a visit to a Quaker church, which will be a first for me. A spirit of hospitality and invitation can bridge the perceived chasm between us and those with a different practice.
Curiosity opens the door to exploring commonalities; prejudice and making assumptions slams the door on discovery. Curiosity is the key to embracing one another. Conversations with others and intervisitation among monthly and yearly meetings will facilitate unity that allows for and indeed cherishes the different beliefs among us.
I’m confused. I should be curious about people with differences. But I guess some things, like taking long amounts of time to “wait earnestly for the voice of Spirit,” and “bow to a time not of our own decision,” are unchangeable to Quakers.
I am a neurodivergent Quaker. With my ADHD, my brain processes things super fast and then very deeply. If I say that to most people, they’ll be insulted and assume I’m implying I’m smarter than them, which is not what I mean. Like many neurodivergent people, I say what I mean, literally, without implying meanings that others put on my words.
I feel that in many instances, Quaker process could go much, much faster. I may have an idea for a solution to a conflict within a week or two. But because of people’s insistence that Quaker process has to go so slowly, they might miss Spirit speaking through me, because it’s not dragged out long enough for them. Even if the conflict is hurting people in the meeting. But because my “self-agenda” (which they can’t understand is actually meant for the benefit of the whole meeting) moves much quicker than what they’re used to, they find all the ways to dismiss me and my possible solutions, while still claiming to accept diversity.
And then they ask why more people under 50 aren’t participating in their meetings. They refuse to try our ideas, out of fear of change and action, not “humility.” The original Quakers were never so passive.
If they bothered to try it and didn’t like it, they could always try something different. But it might take 5 years for someone else to even think of another way.
My generation has 850 million problems to solve. We respectfully have no time to wait for one decision to take 3-6 months or longer, especially if people are hurting. That’s why I’m now only attending MfW in my meeting and not participating in the other meeting structures. Too many people have shut out Spirit within me, while clinging to their old ideas.
Hi Francine,
I can hear the frustration in your words and my heart goes out to that. Sometimes I too feel that way; I’ve really explored that within myself during the past few years. In my meeting, we have had some occasional discussion that not everything has to take an inordinate amount of time…sometimes the Spirit DOES move quickly! Other times when it moves slowly, and I’m feeling stressed about that, I examine my own reaction and emotional response to that.
I think it’s really important to recognize neurodivergent ways of being as well, and I try to be conscious of that. My friend Mary Linda McKinney has a neurodivergent group she runs on the FGC site…have you seen that? Do you have any advice for a clerk regarding helping everyone respect and understand those types of differences? (feel free to email me directly).
Michelle Downey