Forum, April 2025

Work to do to normalize autism

Friend Kate Fox speaks my mind and heart (“A Place of Unmasking,” FJ Mar.). She aptly depicts the seemingly natural fit between neurodivergence and Quakerdom while noting the irony of its reality in practice. As an autistic person, I am here to say that “outing” oneself as autistic in Quaker spaces is not all inner light and oatmeal. The A word is still highly stigmatized even among such enlightened beings as Friends. We’ve got some work to do.

I do love the SPACE suggestion (as much as I am not a fan of SPICES, which I find so reductive) and would serve on that committee (remotely, and with headphones, and please don’t ask me to clerk).

Lisa Bellet Collins
Fallsington, Pa.

Differing experience of autism awareness in Quaker space

I wish that I could say my experience at my meeting was the same as Nichole Nettleton’s. (“Shifting System Paradigms Together,” FJ Mar.). In fact, I have noticed some members of our meeting are patronizing, despite the fact that more than one member of the meeting is autistic. A couple of members of the meeting minimally engage in conversation with the two “out” autistic members of the meeting—one to the extent of walking away during the middle of conversations, another to the extent that they literally will not speak to me at all.

I have multiple diagnoses, including not just autism but attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), complex post-traumatic stress disorder, major depressive disorder, and generalized anxiety disorder. Many don’t know it, but ADHD worsens with age. In addition, more recent research shows women on the spectrum may have ADHD as well up to 70 percent of the time. Because of this, I have more and more tended to talk too much (hence why the one individual walks away). Others, I think, try to avoid talking with me in the first place. I’m trying very hard to be aware of this, and talk less. I’m well educated, and I’m aware that I sometimes have very interesting things to say, but my problem is I can’t tell whether they are or aren’t. There are only a few people in the meeting who I would count as real friends, unfortunately. There are lots of people who flit up to me after rise of meeting, say, “Hi how are you?,” get the one paragraph answer and then quickly make excuses and flit away again. Consequently, I often feel isolated and alone in the midst of a crowd of Friends.

Name and location withheld by request

Freed from self attack

I am very grateful to have read “I Found the Quaker Sasquatch” by Cassie J. Hardee (FJ Mar.). It truly expresses my thoughts. I have also suffered from mental turmoil and torment for a long time. When I show differences from the secular world, such as being intolerant of gray areas, I am always looked at with strange eyes. But God’s love made me understand that everything I thought was right and freed me from self attack. The Religious Society of Friends is the church that best aligns with my inner standards of justice, and I believe that everything we do is worth it.

Niu Ming
Beijing, China

Late diagnosis explained musical dislikes

Daniela Salazar Monárrez’s “On Hating Music” was really fascinating to me (FJ Mar.). I’ve always been interested in how people’s ability to hear pitch is determined neurologically. I am autistic myself and, I was told, have relative pitch, meaning that I can stay in key within a song when singing and detect when notes are off key. I suspect that had I been taught to read music as I began to sing as a child, I might have had perfect pitch—reading a note on the page and being able to sing it. (My parents, both classically trained, for some unknown reason never taught me how to read music.)

My uncle played timpani in a volunteer orchestra, and I attended a performance once. Their violinists were all off key, and it was like torture! I gradually stuffed more and more tissue paper into my ears and found that if I hummed along softly, I could hear my own voice louder than the violins: in that way I made it through the performance.

Unfortunately for me, some of my sensory issues have only gotten worse with age (including pitch sensitivity). I’ve consequentially become a lot more selective about which musical performances I’ll attend.

In our Friends meeting, people who want to sing come 30 minutes before meeting for worship. I don’t attend, because though most members have good pitch awareness, there are a few who don’t and I just can’t bear it. I feel sad about it, because I enjoy singing with others and enjoy the camaraderie. I have to confess that the “everyone’s voice is worthy and ought to be heard” aspect of Quaker practice is one that I’ve had a hard time getting on board with. Any other differences in abilities I can ignore with equanimity, but singing off key is not, because of my neurodivergence.

My late diagnosis of autism was a revelation to me, because it made sense of so many sensory issues. Prior to that, I had guiltily accepted the accusation that I was an elitist when it came to music, but now it makes sense as a neurological handicap, though I can’t overcome it.

Rylin Hansen
Asheville, N.C.

Listening to the inner voice

I love the dual interpretation of Jesus’s second commandment (“A Joyful Abandon to Love” by Barbara Birch, FJ Jan.). Both/and equality is better than either loving your neighbors as much as yourself, or loving yourself as much as your neighbors.

George Gore
Chicago area, Ill.

Once I have learned meditation, and then using meditation to concentrate on solving particular problems, I then turn to loving others as I love myself as another problem to be solved. What are their issues and how can I help them with their problems?

Jeff Brotemarkle
Hillsboro, Kans.

Ways to slow climate change

Thank you for publishing “Emblems of Change” by Sharlee DiMenichi (FJ Feb.). It confirms that climate chaos is truly global, as it is affecting Friends everywhere.

Lindsey Fielder Cook, the representative for climate change for the Quaker United Nations Office, is a leader in work to find climate solutions. Clearly we need to find solutions that protect human rights and avoid “technofixes.” The idea of shifting military spending to address climate change is appealing, however, this seems unlikely in the current political situation. A fossil fuel tax seems more reasonable; that is more-or-less what the Citizens’ Climate Lobby is working on. The likelihood of either of these ways happening in the near future is improbable.

Two Quaker projects are helping to slow climate change. Friends World Committee for Consultation (FWCC) started the FWCC Climate Emergency Fund, which will be used to mitigate travel of FWCC personnel. Quaker Earthcare Witness (QEW) recognizes that climate change is anthropogenic, and their initiatives align with the scientific consensus that human activity (especially burning fossil fuel) is the primary driver of recent climate change. Recognizing that globally there are tens of millions of unintended pregnancies each year, it is clear how increasing access to voluntary family planning can slow climate change. QEW’s Quaker PopOffsets Fund uses donations to increase access to voluntary contraception care. This may well be the most humane, effective, and least expensive long-range means to decrease carbon emissions.

The average carbon footprint (the amount of carbon dioxide emitted from using fossil fuels) of a Kenyan is one ton per year. In the USA, the average carbon footprint is 16 tons. To see how we can support families and slow climate change, visit quakerearthcare.org/quaker-popoffsets.

Richard Grossman
Bayfield, Colo.

Reflecting on the political situation

On reading Amanda Franklin’s profound essay “On the Use of Despair” (FJ Feb.), I feel like she is drawing us into the basics of Quakerism. I also feel like the calamities of last year’s national election were not so much a call to volunteer more time to our favorite advocacy groups as it is a call, first, to reflect deeply on what went wrong. It might be popular among us to say that millions of American voters were deceived by cynical politicians, or that they ironically voted against their own best interests, but we know deep down inside that such rationales are only self-serving platitudes. In all honesty, we need to ask ourselves how those of us who seek a compassionate society failed to reach the majority of the voters. Bear in mind that Quakerism, as many of us understand it, begins with deep reflection. Maybe that means we ought to reflect even more deeply on the sense of our country.

Tom Louderback
Louisville, Ky.

Time to start marching again?

I think it is time for a March on Washington (“These Times Are Spiritual Doorways” by Daniel Hunter, FJ Feb. online; Mar. print). If you look at the iconic picture of the 1963 March on Washington, I am the skinny white kid on the right a row back. Martin Luther King Jr. is in front of me. I was 19 back then. It does not matter that we are in a minority. History is calling us to march now!

David R. Morrison
Elizabethtown, Pa.

These articles on letting the Spirit speak for (through) us are very helpful. I’ve been pacing, trying to incorporate these words into my daily life. Reading these articles has reminded me of what the Spirit has said before: trust that the words are already inside you and simply say them. That is a very calming instruction.

Susan

A timely message to stand up

Thank you to Daquanna Harrison for asking such provocative questions and providing such powerful examples (“Living Up to Our Radical Past,” QuakerSpeak.com Feb.). Hers is an important message and particularly timely, given what is happening in the United States at this time in history.

How do we as Quakers stand up for what is just in the face of injustice and the stripping away of democratic principles and institutions? Do we stand with our radical Quaker ancestors or do we just rest on our Quaker laurels? Each of us needs to answer those questions for ourselves. I hope that I’m courageous enough to say, “Yes! I stand with Lay and Woolman and all the other Quaker ancestors who made such a difference during their lifetimes!”

Donna Sassaman
Cowichan Bay, British Columbia

Let’s share this prophetic message with all our meetings!

Paula R. Palmer
Louisville, Colo.

The information was very well presented. What Daquanna says rings true. We absolutely need to step up.

Isabelle Yingling
Ottawa, Ontario

Yes, thank you, thank you, Daquanna Harrison, for all you said and all that your queries ask of us.

Anna Maria Marzullo
Easton, Pa.