If I Had Grown In Some Generous Place

© tj_armer

If I had grown in some generous place—
If my hours had opened in ease—
I would make you a lavish banquet.
My hands wouldn’t clutch at you like this,
So needy and tight.
Rainer Maria Rilke

If I had grown in some generous place—
If my heart had opened into gentleness and welcome—
I would never think to doubt you.
I would trust your grace to fall like the dew
And rise like the sun
And come in like the tide.

I would hear the expectant silence as pregnant
with you
Not as the emptiness of your absence
I would hear the space between your heartbeats
As the gathering energy ready to burst forth
And pulse through the universe
Rather than the doubt… oh! Could it be death?
I would feel you as a compass
Always pointing toward the true north
And would not restlessly seek signs and assurances.
If I had grown in some generous place
My heart would expand and fill with you
Until there was no part of me that was not you
And I would be a pulsing emanation of your spirit.

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