From a conversation with her ten-year-old autistic grandson.
Imagine what you would feel like
if you did not exist.
What would you feel like if you were dead?
Would you still feel like you were there?
But how could you feel if you did not exist?
It’s hard to explain.
If you and Grandpa had not married,
would I have been born to strangers?
Or, if you and Grandpa had not married,
would I have been born at all?
Would I exist?
If you’re dead, you’re gone.
What would you feel like if you were gone?
Would you think or have feelings?
It’s so hard to explain.
I don’t think you understand
what I’m trying to say, Grandma.
If there was nothing when God didn’t yet create the world,
how would you be there?
If you weren’t born yet,
how would you be there?
Imagine not being there
and not being able to think.
It’s not possible ’cause nothing can change that.
You would still be able to think and stuff.
It’s just weird.
No one knows what if feels like to be dead
because when you’re dead you can’t come back and tell people.
I started to think about this since kindergarten.
When I think really really big,
my brain hurts.
I’ve got a huge suggestion for the Bible:
They should make it easier to understand.
The smallest word with the most complex meaning
is God.
I love this, and was particularly struck by the line:
“I’ve got a huge suggestion for the Bible:
They should make it easier to understand.”