McNeil—Stephen McNeil, 72, on June 18, 2022, at Kaiser Permanente Hospital in San Francisco, Calif. Stephen was born on January 11, 1950, to Mary Stuart (Elwell) and William Merton McNeil, in Plymouth, Mass. At age nine he moved with his mother and sister to live with family in the Anacostia neighborhood of Washington, D.C.
While Stephen was raised Irish Catholic, he lost interest in the church because of the racial segregation he saw in D.C. parishes. In the tenth grade, he visited a Quaker meeting in the Maryland suburbs, which had more diversity. Stephen enjoyed that meeting and began attending regularly.
In 1976, he interned with Friends Committee on National Legislation. He remained involved with FCNL for the rest of his life.
Stephen moved to San Francisco in 1983, to join his partner, Daniel Joseph McTague. Daniel died in 1985 in the first decade of the AIDS epidemic, along with over 10,000 other San Franciscans. This experience spurred Stephen’s passion for AIDS-related services. He volunteered as a Kaiser hospital AIDS chaplain. He also volunteered for five years with the St. Martin’s soup kitchen. From 1989–1995, he served with the AIDS Emergency Fund and, over the years, on the boards of The Family Link and Home Care Companions.
In 1996, he married Brian Mailman. To their marriage they each brought deep-rooted faith traditions, Brian’s Judaism and Stephen’s Quakerism. They shared many pleasures, including annual traditions of hosting their year-end “Stravaganza” bash; attending the Kung Pao Kosher Comedy Christmas Eve dinner show; hosting gourmet fundraising dinners; and going to the Frameline LGBT Film Festival. They made a loving home with an array of cats until Brian’s death in 2019.
Stephen went to work for American Friends Service Committee (AFSC) in 1984 as an administrative assistant and served AFSC in many capacities for the next 33 years. He retired in 2017 when he was director of the Peace Building Program in the San Francisco Office. He also served on the board of Pendle Hill study center in Wallingford, Pa., for many years and served his monthly and yearly meetings in many capacities.
Stephen’s life was about service and lifelong learning. He studied Japanese to be a more effective volunteer with his friends in Japan and with his anti-nuclear work. After he married Brian, who was Jewish, he studied Yiddish. He also studied Irish, Latin, and Russian. Even in retirement, Stephen kept busy with work to advance justice and peace. Intent upon preserving the history of those movements, he was a collector of books, articles, and ideas.
On May 22, 2022, Stephen was on his way home from a special Frameline presentation when he fell on the stairs at the Muni Metro, hitting his head. He was expertly cared for, but he did not recover.
At the time of his accident, Stephen was enrolled at the University of Maryland Global Campus, where he had plans to pursue a graduate degree in history, and to finalize a book he was writing about Quaker efforts to assist Japanese Americans who were subject to removal and internment during World War II. He was also taking Yiddish conversation and Japanese conversation classes.
For the West Region of AFSC, Stephen was their walking archivist. He had a deep understanding of virtually all AFSC’s issues, from peace, police, healing justice, and immigration. His bottomless curiosity and constant willingness to be helpful to friends in need, and to a world in need, will be remembered and greatly missed.
Stephen was predeceased by his husband, Brian Mailman.
He is survived by his sister, Stasia Linynsky.
We want to hear from you, not an AI! Please be thoughtful and use your own words. Comments on Friendsjournal.org may be used in the Forum of the print magazine and may be edited for length and clarity.